Bleach Fan Fiction Wiki talk:Right to Powerful Characters Qualification Exam
|altbackcolor=#FFFFFF; |textcolor=#FFFFFF |alttextcolor=#0000FF |height=2.2 |maxwidth=20 |tab1=Applications in Progress |tab2=Passed Applications }} Note: Please pay heed to the passed applications located at the tab above this note for examples how you should present your character for the committee to review. Since all applications must be responded first and foremost by me, as I will use that chance to tell you which committee members will be the ones reviewing your character (since we may or may not need to replace and/or add back-ups to the committee), and from there, the committee can then begin grading your characters. Despite the exam's rules not starting until Friday, you are allowed to submit your character early if it is ready. Please remember... to sign all of your posts! --Silver-Haired Seireitou (Dosvidaniya, tovarisch.) 01:23, July 4, 2014 (UTC) :Additional Note: If you have failed your application and haven't reapplied in over a month, your old records below may be deleted in order to maintain housekeeping on this talk page and to reduce clutter. If there were notes on the application that you need in order to retake the assessment, please ask me personally to retrieve the information and I will post it directly to your message wall. --Silver-Haired Seireitou (Dosvidaniya, tovarisch.) 14:31, September 5, 2014 (UTC) User: Kobaruon Rōkurō Yamanosuke Kobaruon 07:47, July 8, 2014 (UTC) :Committee Members: User:Somnium Fluxus, User:Silver-Haired Seireitou, User:Ten Tailed Fox, User:Nisshou, and User:Zf6hellion User:Silver-Haired Seireitou Assessment :I'm afraid I have to make this short, since I'm working on an assignment at the moment for my summer class, so I will rely on the other members of the committee to further explain how your article is. His Appearance section is pretty basic, his Personality section looks rather a-okay, and his History section appears to also be in order. His slew of abilities are all rather balanced and seem to all make sense for a person of the sixth seat, except... "Despite being a mere Sixth Seat, Rōkurō has demonstrated power equivalent to that of a Lieutenant level Shinigami." In case you didn't read the rules, you are supposed to make a character of fourth seat level power or below, not just in rank. Otherwise the entire point of this exam is meaningless. So I can't pass you for this until that aspect is changed. Furthermore, the other issue I have with Rokuro is his Zanpakuto, in that I think you are trying way too hard. Zanpakuto, and Shinigami for that matter, are meant to purify Hollows and allow other souls passage to Soul Society through Konso before they turn into Hollows. The entire nature of his Zanpakuto is completely contradictory for this basic principle, and quite honestly, I would advise you to choose a more fitting ability for a Zanpakuto that is being held by a Shinigami officer of the Gotei 13, since... I'm pretty sure Central 46 would throw his ass into the maggot's nest if he carried an ability like that. It just doesn't make sense for an officer to be allowed to carry a weapon with such an ability. But to be honest, my main issue that has to be corrected is the entire "lieutenant level in power" thing. Total Points: 70/100 --Silver-Haired Seireitou (Dosvidaniya, tovarisch.) 04:58, July 22, 2014 (UTC) User:Zf6hellion's Assessment: *'Appearance': It serves its purpose but levying my usual complaint, there's not much detail going into the character's appearance besides the clothing. No unique characteristics, and no defining of his face or physical make up. Describing the Shinigami uniform is also somewhat pointless, why do I need to know these details when the character isn't wearing it? **'Points': 7/10 *'Personality': Looks fine enough, though it could use some clarity on his lack of use of honourifics, assuming he's imitating Japanese nobles, would he not use honourifics in the presence of those above him in rank and just in general around those he's imitating? If not, surely there's some reaction from those other nobles as he is technically disrespecting them. Further, I don't think nobility in Soul Society would be considered improper on a battlefield, given the number of nobles among the ranks of the Gotei 13. The last paragraph felt a little strange as I read it and could use some expansion with regards to what he does with these feelings, you state that he's inexperienced with them but that doesn't give us any idea on what happens whilst he goes through them. Does he become aggressive? Erratic? Anything? **'Points': 17/25 *'History': The history is a little iffy. Its generally fine at first, and then it suddenly switches tenses in the second paragraph. Taking this bit by bit, I gotta say, from what there is of (And there is very little), he doesn't seem like he'd let someone in purely because of a bribe so it feels like a canon name drop for the sake of one. If he'd refuse despite being a top student, I believe he'd tell Rōkurō's pa to shove it too. The Shinō Academy is a six year term, why hasn't he been kicked out during that year he takes to train with Jinpachi? And, the whole thing gets detailed (Becoming a play-by-play of events even) later on, but brushes over the death of Rōkurō's closest friend without so much as a mention of what happened beyond it being a mission. There's a lack of any mentioning of his attainment of Shikai, which, would be required in directly applying for a Seated Officer position (As Shikai is a prerequisite of the role). Also, an article is from an OOC perspective, while Rōkurō wouldn't know Yamamoto's reasoning, you should, and even if he doesn't disclose it to him, that reasoning should be included otherwise it feels like your just making shit up. **'Points': 14/20 *'Powers & Abilities': Yeah... You're supposed to be comparable to a Fourth Seat Shinigami, so the Great Spiritual Power is an immediate no. I'm also taking issue with the Gaishishō. Since when was it decided that illusions are not Reiryoku-based? Give me a page of the manga citing this or GTFO, pal. I've never heard of this, and as far as I see it illusions are as much Reiryoku as fire balls are (In case you try arguing that its Reiatsu... Reiatsu is Reiryoku exerted as a physical force). Also Souls and Shinigami are made of (And in the Human World), they generate Reiryoku from within to varying degrees. That out of the way, his ability wouldn't impede all illusions, as the mechanics of how they work are defined one a case-by-case basis depending on a particular wielder's ability that and... a Fourth Seat being immune to anything entirely seems a tad OP. The rest is fine up until the Zanpakutō, while I believe its possible to end up with one with such an ability (Just as revolved around manipulating Zanpakutō Spirits) I have to agree with Sei here in that he'd very likely be locked up in the Central 46 Underground Prison or the Nest of Maggots, his weapon has the ability to Hollowfy other beings which is flat out illegal in Soul Society, the fact that his weapon is a prime way to ruin other Shinigami just makes him dangerous and a liability. **'Points': 20/30 *'Grammar': There's a few mistakes here and there, aside from the sudden tense change in the history section though its nothing to write home about. **'Points': 14/15 Total Points: 72/100 Zf6hellion (talk) 19:36, July 25, 2014 (UTC) Kobaruon: Second Attempt Since you have failed, you will have as many chances as you can to re-take the exam. The only penalty is that you must now wait one week before re-submitting your article or another article for examination. You must wait until August 23, 2014, next Saturday, before being able to re-take the exam. Upon that day, please re-submit your article under this sub-section for reassessment. Zf6hellion (talk) 15:48, August 16, 2014 (UTC) Nixie the Bloody Pixie Saki Nixie the Bloody Pixie (talk) 21:31, July 16, 2014 (UTC) :Committee Members: User:Somnium Fluxus, User:Silver-Haired Seireitou, User:Ten Tailed Fox, User:Nisshou, and User:Zf6hellion User:Silver-Haired Seireitou Assessment :I'm afraid I have to make this short, since I'm working on an assignment at the moment for my summer class, so I will rely on the other members of the committee to further explain how your article is. I'll be blunt here, I think you are making way too many unnecessary connections to primary main characters like Ichigo and Aizen, and this is a trap many people fall into when writing fanon works, which present the danger of eventually turning into Mary Sues. Her equipment section isn't part of the exam's grading, so I am going to leave it out. However, in doing so, you put far too much effort into a section like equipment, and did very little on the actual powers and abilities section, which should undoubtedly have more content there. You have brief one-two sentences for each thing listed there, and nothing much else. Furthermore, these "holy arrows" and a good chunk of her history is giving me a very bad Inuyasha vibe and that. is. not. good. At all. My advice is to go back and rework the entire powers and abilities section. Broaden them out more. Capitalize on her main strengths, explain why they are her primary strengths and how she developed them, and furthermore, touch upon where she still needs to improve and what skills she possesses that still require more work. Total Points: 65/100 --Silver-Haired Seireitou (Dosvidaniya, tovarisch.) 05:08, July 22, 2014 (UTC) User:Zf6hellion's Assessment: *'Appearance': There's a lot of content here, but it ultimately doesn't tell me what Saki looks like, its far more focused on what she wears which is only part of her appearance. I want to see detail regarding her face, her body, how she actually looks regardless of her articles of clothing. The size of her nose, the shape of it, is the bridge pronounced and so on. It is not a difficult thing to achieve, just don't use anime images as a template for character design. Other than that, I feel it could use a lot more sectioning off, the initial paragraph should describe Saki as she is currently. Her physical appearance then that of what she currently wears, a second paragraph can describe what she looked like as a child and a third can detail her appearance in Gehenna. **'Points': 6/10 *'Personality': Oh boy, right off the bat, we need more paragraphs please, the second paragraph is a more easily digestable size and the first one should be chopped up similiarly to make it easier to read. Much of the first paragraph is... odd. It uses specific examples to describe traits that just sort of appear, you should be using specific examples to showcase how she acts all times, not just being mysterious and vague to one person on one occassion. That's not an example of how one usually acts, that's uncharacteristic. Also, do not say she has PTSD, seperation anxiety and anxiety disorder if all you're going to do is gloss over them. These are serious mental issues that would dominate a lot of the things a person does, especially with several of 'em. Explain how they appeared and how they effect her, don't just give us some simpering crap like "Oh she has these, but she's curing them with friendship!". Her being isolated by the clan feels more like a historical tidbit as it explains nothing about how she acts, maybe expand it to explain what she does as a result of this, or how it affects her beyond earning a monicker? Annnnd why is she called a pacifist if she fights, that makes no sense. I don't see anything that states she's a proponent of the ideal and just fell down the wayside at some point so it seems a tad daft as a nickname. **'Points': 17/25 *'History': That first paragraph is a bit of a mess. At first there's an old village then the new village (Should be a new village, but the transition from one to the other just comes out of nowhere). Then there's the whole bit about being lied to about coming to the world. There's no explanation for any of this, which just makes it confusing. Its a History section, one that shouldn't be dealt with from Saki's own perspective outside of her relation to events. Giving us details on her moving from one village to the next is not a bad thing, nor is explaining why her mother brought her to the Human World. Uh... Why was Kakyoku given this duty? It makes no sense, Shinigami are not caretakers for children. You die, they perform Konsō, you traverse the Dangai and appear in Soul Society, you are assigned a ticket that says where you're going to live out the rest of your days until you die a second time (And then reincarnate in the Human World as someone new), your age is not a factor in this and Shinigami do not have the responsibility of looking after you. Further what happens in the ten years that Kakyoku is gone? Wouldn't she change then if she's so attached to people? There's no mention of them keeping in contact until Kakyoku sends word that she got promoted. **'Points': 15/20 *'Powers & Abilities': A lot of her "Demonic" abilities simply seem like ordinary Bleach-like stuff with a new coat of paint. Hiō is basically a Zanpakutō, her demonic self is basically an Inner Hollow, it comes across is extremely uninspired as it presents nothing really different just words and names applied to the usual theatrics. There's also a lack of mentioning on her Spiritual Power/Reiryoku. All beings have this, even Humans, and if she's supposedly powerful then she'd have to have some quantity of it. **'Points': 23/30 *'Grammar': Its largely fine, there's a few mistakes here and there and some bits become a tad disjointed especially in the history and personality sections. **'Points': 13/15 Total Points: 74/100 Zf6hellion (talk) 15:30, August 16, 2014 (UTC) Nixie the Bloody Pixie: Second Attempt Since you have failed, you will have as many chances as you can to re-take the exam. The only penalty is that you must now wait one week before re-submitting your article or another article for examination. You must wait until August 23, 2014, next Saturday, before being able to re-take the exam. Upon that day, please re-submit your article under this sub-section for reassessment. Zf6hellion (talk) 15:30, August 16, 2014 (UTC) User:Primarch11 Richter Hubert Applying for RPCQE User:Primarch11 19:50, November 22, 2014 (UTC) Brief Assessment: I'm aware of the discussion you've had about this article with my fellow committee members. Please, take no offence, but the article as a whole is of mediocre quality. Apart from spelling and grammar mistakes that hurt my Grammar Nazi eyes Richter seems like a fairly simplistic character. You described some of his traits, but in my humble opinion, this "The Guy Hates Yhwach" aspect overshadows the rest of his personality (and the History section in particular). Furthermore, despite your attempts to tone down his prowess Richter is still not a proper 4th Seat Officer-class. The intention of this Exam is to create a genuinely weak character who has a well-developed set of distinctive features. I highly recommend thoroughly revising the Powers and Abilities section in order to reflect the appropriate combat capacity. Limit the number of traits/skills and make sure to remove all references to him being a Sternritter and/or of Sternritter power level. Galvatron-dono -- [[Message Wall:Saris Khan|''Do you hear the voices too?]] 14:46, November 27, 2014 (UTC) Primarch11: Second Attempt Since you have failed, you will have as many chances as you can to re-take the exam. The only penalty is that you must now wait one week before re-submitting your article or another article for examination. You must wait until '''December 04, 2014', next Thursday, before being able to re-take the exam. Upon that day, please re-submit your article under this sub-section for reassessment. Galvatron-dono -- [[Message Wall:Saris Khan|''Do you hear the voices too?]] 14:46, November 27, 2014 (UTC) Second Attempt with Richter Hubert. Primarch11 05:03, December 4, 2014 (UTC) 'User:Zf6hellion's Assessment': '''Note': The Quote template is an unrequired addition to the article and will be taken as means of bloating the byte count, with it removed, Richter sits at 24,741 bytes, 200 (and change) below the minimum and thus will have an automatic 2 point reduction from the total score. *'Appearance': Just as a note regarding the initial blurb and his age (Which relates to his appearance), how can he have served in both Quincy Blood Wars and only be 29? The first war happened over a 1000 years ago. On to the actual appearance section... "Richter has the appearance of a normal looking person", uh, the wording is weird here. First, most people can't really decide on how much they conform to perceived standards of appearance, next you'd want to be unassuming not "normal", most people are considered normal, and unless they have two tongues that's not likely to change. I wouldn't say someone who's physical appearance is meant to stave off attention would be physically attractive, that brings attention not dissuades it. His uniform started off fine and then devolved into a copy/paste job from the Bleach Wiki article on the 's . Plagiarism isn't cool, man, its lazy, and doesn't get you anything. You don't improve your work by copying from elsewhere, all you do is hurt it. Its also against the rules of the wiki and the exam, so, I can't continue grading this in line with the RPCQE. **'Points': 0/10 Total Points: -2/100 Zf6hellion (talk) 15:27, December 9, 2014 (UTC) Third Attempt Richter Hubert User:Primarch11--Primarch11 08:53, December 19, 2014 (UTC) User:Alpha Olphion Karui Hoshigami Lord Arceus (Blam! Y'all got the taste of the Bitch Puddin') 00:40, November 25, 2014 (UTC) Njalm's Assessment: *'Appearance': This was a nice surprise. Typically, appearance sections have a tendency to look rushed, in the case of Karui however that is not the case at all. You take the time to tie in her appearance with who she used to be, making this section appear less standard and more personalized. I do however miss a paragraph describing her face though, or her hair for that matter. Mostly you seem geared towards describing her clothes, I'd suggest describing her most common attire and maybe one more - beyond that, it's usually better to do so in the roleplays or stories you write. Overall though, a good job! **'Score': 7/10 *'Personality': The first thing that caught my eye here was that you've kept central to a theme you introduced earlier in the article, that of her being an entertainer at heart. It's important to keep consistent and I get the impression you've succeeded in that regard. I also generally enjoy it when I get to learn about what kind of person a character is outside of duty. It makes them seem more human. I won't lie, Karui isn't the first character on this site who's almost been raped, far from it. But I was pleased to see that it did in fact have consequences, she seems to be a woman with her share of issues. The fear of being touched is wholly believable given her background and to a lesser extent, so is her misandric attitude (that would be hatred of men). I must admit that I wrinkled my nose just a bit when I came to the last section, sure, it details that she's not all good, but it also comes across as a bit strange. You might want to tone it down a bit, so as to not break with the established character, even if she does technically have a legitimate reason to act that way. **'Score': 18/25 *'History': Her history section is rather short, and to me it came off as rather messy. It's usually best to split up a wall of text into several smaller paragraphs, makes it easier to read. It does summarize her life I suppose, but there's a few strange elements here. Such as how people evidently tended to her every need back home, considering she was from the Rukongai and doesn't appear to belong to any noble house, I found that quite strange. There's also a few Sueish tendencies in the section, such as her single-handedly having made the bar she worked at into a blooming business, wasn't it always a blooming business? You mentioned that the place was frequented by nobles, no? I think you should look over this one again. **'Score': 10/20 *'Powers & Abilities': Right off the bat I see the designation of "Great" in terms to her spiritual energy, I don't know if you're aware of this but Great is typically reserved to captain-class Shinigami. Think Grimmjow. Normally this would've disqualified her but judging from the way you've worded the section, her level of spiritual energy is actually "High", not "Great". I'll just treat this as an oversight. But right afterwards we encounter another problem, and this one is kind of a biggie. You state that through her spiritual control, she's capable of empowering her physical abilities so as to fight Captain-level Shinigami on even grounds, this is not something your average 4th seat should be able to do, not by a long shot. Due to this, I cannot continue this assessment. She's not at the level of your average 4th seat and therefore isn't in compliance with the RPCQE. **'Score': 0/30 *'Grammar': **'Score': 0/0. :Total Score: 35/100 --Njalm (talk) 01:36, November 25, 2014 (UTC) User:Yami444 I am applying Kaito Nakamura for the RPQCE. :Page does not meet minimum length of 25,000 bytes~as per the normal assessment. Please revise. --Silver-Haired Seireitou (Dosvidaniya, tovarisch.) 17:51, December 18, 2014 (UTC) User:Ω kaiser Σ Character: Alexis Yeager --Der Kaiser-(Chat) 06:01, January 28, 2015 (UTC) User:Njalm's Assessment: Appearance: Boobs again, I see. Why is it always boobs? Right off the bat, you make one of those statements; in this case "Alexis' looks could probably charm any man". I'm a man and I'm not charmed, does that mean I'm not man enough? Although you added the "probably" part in this statement, it does little else than lessen the crime somewhat. You generally don't want to make assumptions when on a fanon site, it also has the negative effect of making her appear more sue-ish. Like many do when they write female characters, you seem to focus overmuch on their physical features. You make her breasts, her beauty and desire to walk around naked the focal points of the section, many of these have entire sections dedicated solely to them. However, unlike most, you actually do take the time to detail other facets of her appearance too, which is a breath of fresh air. **'Points': 7/10 Personality: This section is fairly confusing to be honest, there's quite a few possible contradictions here. One of the first things you state, at least from my memory, is that Alexis is more concerned with her own work than that of others, you also state that she has few friends, but that she cherishes the friends she has deeply. All these things, coupled with her apparent lack of social intelligence, all stand at odds with a statement you made later down the section: that she loves children. Your character seems to be rather antisocial and egocentric, with a focus on herself and a select few. Whether that's what you intended or not, that's the image I'm left with after reading her personality. Why would someone like that be so fond of children, and have such a seething hatred towards bad mothers specifically? There's background to be explored here, and you should really take the time to dig it up, because it's things like this that makes a character really come alive. Once again, I appreciate your detail in this section. But it'd suggest you look over it and try to mold her into a more consistent character. Also, when you mention "package", my mind is immediately drawn to the nether regions of a man, it evoked a rather amusing picture. To be sure! :*'Points': 18/25 History: Another rape victim. I've seen plenty of those as of late. In this case it isn't the character in question, but I think you've handled this part -VERY- poorly. Rape is an extremely intense experience, that leaves lasting scars on the victim, post traumatic stress disorder, recurring nightmares, fear of intimacy, you name it. Yet none of these are mentioned in this section, you gloss over the whole thing and it's never truly made relevant. In real life, many women who have become pregnant at the hand of their rapists have either aborted immediately or in the case it wasn't possible, committed suicide. The reason for that is simple, whenever they see their child, they'd be reminded of that terrible experience, constantly. Would you really want to relive your worst memories all over again for every single day until your child has grown into an adult? In this case, the emotional ramifications ought to be even greater, because she wasn't raped by some common stranger, she was violated by her own brother. That's essentially the ultimate betrayal of familial trust. Where would she find the strength to look past all this? If you want to include rape in a backstory, then do so, but it's of ABSOLUTE importance that you respect the subject, and convey that in your work. Also, if Alexis' uncle is her second daddy, it's highly unlikely that she'd be this super genius she's made out to be. Inbreeding and whatnot. These are however enormous issues for this article, and as such, I'll detract a lot of points for this section. *'Points': 1/20 Powers & Abilities: This section was pretty nicely done, you've done your best to make her unique and interesting, she feels original. I've got few complaints about this section, though I'd have liked to see more detail. Also, when it comes to her Fullbring, I'd use the term "properties" instead of "abilities". *'Points': 17/30 Grammar: Sentence structure, proper grammar and spelling could all use a lot of work in this article. Your article is readable, and it can be understood, but it's difficult to get a proper grasp of thing. Your sentence structure is also rather haphazard, and it's distracting from what would otherwise be a pretty decent article. You could also use a bit more variance in terms of words. Anyway, it works out, I guess. *'Points': 9/15 Total Points: 51/100 --Njalm (talk) 04:29, January 29, 2015 (UTC) Nixie the Bloody Pixie Nixie the Bloody Pixie (talk) 22:25, February 13, 2015 (UTC) Saki User:Kazeshini74 Kori Kuchiki Character is a Captain and thus falls outside of the RPCQE exam specifications. On top of that... The character wields Wabisuke (Izuru Kira's Zanpakutō) with Sakanade's (Shinji's Zanpakutō) powers. The Hell? Zf6hellion (talk) 15:32, February 22, 2015 (UTC) Nathrezim User:Nathrezim --Nathrezim (talk) 18:32, February 25, 2015 (UTC) He is Zumorito Fugouka!